On the couch with a life coach (who's been on Oprah!)

A few years ago, in a small upstairs room in this coffee shop in Bangkok, I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D. and her husband Michael. We were all there for an intensive 4-day Thai reading course, in an effort to improve our Thai language skills. During coffee breaks, we started talking and it turned out that was not the only thing we had in common. Like us, they also own their own business, are expatriates living in multiple countries for months at a time, taking a variety of courses to improve ourselves, love of travel and the list goes on. 

One of the things that intrigued me about Cherie and Michael is that they are professional life coaches. In fact, not only do they help people by coaching them, they even teach others to become life coaches. And yes, she's been on Oprah, check out the video here. 

When she offered to give me a coaching session, I grabbed the opportunity to get a new experience. An hour with her really brought home some truths about myself and yes, it helped!


Cherie works with a lot of owners, entrepreneurs and people going into business for themselves for the first time, so I asked her if I could ask her some questions for my blog here, in the hopes that some of the answers may also help you, my dear readers, with your business or life goals in general. 

She said yes, so here we go!
Q: Thanks for the interview, Cherie. Let's start with what is a life coach? It could mean anything, what is it that you do? 
A: Life Coaching is a partnership between coach and client in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires the client to maximize their personal and professional potential. The coaching relationship continually gives all the power to know and to choose to the client. The basic assumption is that the client knows the answers to all questions and challenges he or she may encounter, even if those answers appear to be hidden from their perspective.
Life Coaching is a profession that is profoundly different from consulting, mentoring, advising, therapy, or counseling. The coaching process focuses on specific objectives, examines what is going on right now, helps the client to discover their obstacles or challenges, and facilitates them making a choice to make their life what they envision.

Q: What have you found to be the most common obstacle that people encounter when starting out with their own business? And what advice would you give that might help them overcome it? 
A: Fear of failure, or conversely fear of success. In fact, change is what makes people uncertain, insecure, and indecisive. Change for the worse or change for the better makes the client feel out of control and can in and of itself create a block to making a decision and taking action. To overcome fear, the individual must trust him or herself and believe that they have what it takes to make their life become what they envision. Secondly, they have to be willing for life to shift from good to great. They might have a good life, but are they willing to have their life be absolutely fantastic? If they want to go for greatness, it will require taking a risk. If they are risk averse, they must consider the cost-benefit analysis of their choices and consequences.

Q:  You've been in business as a successful entrepreneur for quite some time now, and you work with family! How do you make that work without either killing each other or being consumed by your work? 
A: It will be 40 years as an entrepreneur in 2014! We have six businesses that are all related to individual and organizational transformation. I work closely with my sister for 40 years as my business partner and my husband for the last 23 years. My closest associates are my family and friends. We need to stay current with each other at all times, no withheld communications, no secrets, no hidden agendas. In my book, If Love is a Game, I address "No Stones in the basket" which means that you don't put issues in the basket on your head, but rather on the table to be addressed. Transparency is our motto, and sometimes we need to preface the communication with, "I have something uncomfortable to say, and you may not want to hear it, but I have to say it or write it because it it is getting in the way of our relationship." Our pact with each other is to make it safe to say the "Unsayable," and clear the air regardless of how difficult it may be to deal with the content.

Q: What is, in your opinion, the first thing people should do when considering becoming their own boss? 
A: There are questions that are really important for the potential entrepreneur to answer. I have attached this list to this interview. If you want to publish it, feel free (I've added this list at bottom of this blog post). I have learned over the years that this is absolutely critical to sort out before the person makes the leap. Honesty is key to this process. If the person is truthful and really knows him or herself well, answers the questions correctly with "Yes" answers, then they will succeed if they are willing to do whatever it takes.

Q: You've met and worked with a lot of successful people, whether they were entrepreneurs or not. Is there one thing you could say they all have in common? 
A: They believe in themselves. They are flexible to change direction when required. They do whatever is needed and wanted without complaining. The four main components are: desire, willingness, belief, and commitment.

Q: Thanks very much Cherie, for your candour and being part of this interview! One final question: What do you love most about your job? 
A: I love watching people manifest their heart's desires. I love watching them become successful. I love watching them release the stress and transform their lives into what they envision in their deepest desires. It fuels me, and since I can only ask them for what I am willing to live as an example, I am also going for my dreams, and this process has no end to it. That means that as long as my brain is fully functioning, and my body is at optimal performance  there is no end in sight. You see, there will always be people in transition who want to make their dreams become reality...and that is why I am the dream midwife! 
Thank you Cristel for asking! My website is: www.drcherie.com in case your readers want to give personally signed books for holiday gifts!





Dr. Cherie and I are working together on the Dutch audio version of her book 'If Life is a Game, these are the Rules'. 

It has a lot of simple truths in it that you may find helpful, whether you're on your way to becoming an entrepreneur or just would like a better grasp of your own life.


I hope you all enjoyed Cherie's input as much as I have! Contact her directly through the links in the text above the interview if you would like to schedule a life coaching session with Dr. Cherie or if you'd like to learn more about what she does. If you've been inspired to become your own boss, contact me ;-)

Style on!

Cristel

Is procrastination a human condition?

The procrastination blog post, which I’ll write....tomorrow?

procrastinate
verb

To delay, put off doing something, postpone action, defer action, be dilatory, use delaying tactics, stall, temporize, play for time, play a waiting game, dally, drag one's feet/heels, take one's time; hesitate, vacillate, dither, be indecisive, be undecided, waver; Brit. haver, hum and haw; Scottish swither; informal dilly-dally, shilly-shally. 


According to my Thesaurus, there are many words/actions to describe delaying doing something. Even with calendars, reminder apps and sticky notes, inevitably I end up procrastinating certain things all the time. Unpleasant phone calls for example, certain accounting tasks, even this blog sometimes falls victim to my procrastination, unfortunately. Not because I don’t like doing it; I love it! So why then? 

Well, that same dictionary consulted earlier states: “fear of failure is often the reason why people procrastinate”. But research shows that’s not always the case. Other reasons for procrastination (plus how you could overcome them) are:

• You perceive the job or task at hand to be unpleasant, and you’re trying to avoid having to do it. Oftentimes you’re better off just getting it done and over with, so you can continue with things you enjoy more, or with more pleasant/fun aspects of the task. Like ripping off a bandage: quicker is less painful! Also, many procrastinators overestimate the unpleasantness of a task, but many times, in hindsight, you find it was not nearly as unpleasant as you had thought.

• You may be disorganised. More organised people are better able to prioritize tasks and schedule them in order of urgency or importance, and because they have prioritized to-do lists that cut the task down to manageable blocks of time, they don’t get caught with tasks overdue and avoid the stress that comes with being late to deliver. 

• Even though you are organized, you may feel overwhelmed by the task or job at hand. Maybe you have doubts whether you have the skills or resources to complete the job, so you delay getting started on it and spend your time on other, less important things in stead. But if that job you’re procrastinating on is important, it won’t just go away. So start with the parts of the task that you do feel confident about, and that you know you can complete succesfully. You’ll often find that once you’ve started, the rest will come too. Make a realistic schedule, taking into consideration the time needed to complete each segment, and stick to it. If needed, ask for help from people you know have the knowledge, and you’ll expand yours. There is no shame in learning along the way! 

• You may also fear success as much as failure. For example, you may worry that success at this task will lead to you being overwhelmed with more requests to do this type of task, or that you’ll be pushed to take on things that you feel are beyond you. Surprisingly, perfectionists are often procrastinators, as they tend to think "I don't have the right skills or resources to do this perfectly now, so I won't do it at all." Focus on one task at a time. Also look at all the potential outcomes: what's the worst that could happen? In many cases, reality is unlikely to be that bad! Learn to think more positively: it is a powerful tool to build your self-confidence and neutralise self-sabotage. If all else fails, have your Plan B ready, beforehand. No matter whether the outcome means success or failure (which is in the eye of the beholder and subjective to begin with), you are ready to deal with it. 

• One last reason for procrastination could be because you have an inability to decide. You just can’t make up your mind what to do, so you delay the decision, in fear of making the wrong choice. If you are really torn between your options, and your gut feeling is also not helping you, check out this guide from Mind Tools to help you develop decision-making techniques. 

Are you a procrastinator? If the answer does not come to you immediately, you can try this procrastinator self test. 

What's the most outrageous 'reason' you've ever given yourself to delay something you did not want to do? Share in the comments below. 

Have you ever used some of these ‘reasons’ to delay doing a task or job? There are a million of them, to be sure, these are just a few:

• Filling your day with low priority tasks from your To Do List (laundry, making a grocery list, organising your closet, etc.).
• Reading e-mails several times without starting work on them or deciding what you’re going to do with them.
• Sitting down to start a high-priority task, and almost immediately going off to make a cup of coffee (“I’ll get coffee now, that way I’m ready to sit down and work without interruption later.”).
• Leaving an item on your To Do list for a long time, even though you know it's important.
• Regularly saying "Yes" to unimportant tasks that others ask you to do, and filling your time with these instead of getting on with the important tasks already on your list (“Sure, I’ll help you sort your filing system!”.
• Waiting for the “right mood” or the “right time” to tackle the important task at hand (“I’ll start my work-out routine tomorrow, I don’t feel in the mood to work out right now”).

I know I have on occasion used one or more of these ‘reasons’ to delay an important phone call (“I’ll call later, when they’re back from lunch”), a confrontation with a staff member (“I have to check my emails and update the Facebook page first before I reprimand So-and-So for coming in late again.”) or yes, even writing of this blog (“I need a few hours to write and I have no inspiration right now”). 

Personally, I’ve found that making to-do lists that indicate priority helped me a lot. There are a lot of Apps out there that can also help with this, and Apple’s Calendar has built-in reminders that  you can set, as well as a Reminders app. Those are the ones I use the most, you may have your own favourites, please share them in the comments below? 

Another method that works well for me is to reward myself with something fun, once I’ve done the task I’ve been procrastinating. For example: complete a blog post, then I can go play tennis! Or update my jewelry sales spreadsheets, then spend a while (a.k.a. two hours) on Pinterest or Facebook :-)

In any case, most experts agree that procrastination is a deeply ingrained habit and is not easily broken. Like any habit (good or bad), it takes a long time to develop or break, so you should not expect results overnight. 

But if you tackle procrastination at every encounter, you’ll find that over time, you start recognising when you’re procrastinating and as soon as you do, you have an opportunity to identify why you’re procrastinating and and take the appropriate steps or actions to overcome the block. 

Well, I am off to play some tennis! ;-) But when I come back, I’d love to read your comments, your personal experiences and your suggestions! Thanks in advance for sharing.

Your Style Insider,

Cristel
Thanks go to www.mindtools.com for much of this post's background research. 

This is not a jewelry blog post

Rene Magritte - This is not a Pipe
and this is not a post about
jewelry, or is it? ;-)

“Many of life's failures come from people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." - Thomas Edison.

I thought it would be a nice change to talk about something other than Senzu jewellery for a change (though I am always happy to talk about that!). So I thought it would be more interesting to give you a bit of an insight as to why we started Senzu, and what challenges come with building your own business. 

Playful Metal Colours Necklace
& matching bracelets
SZFNL37

The quote this post started with was tweeted by Bear Grills, one of my favorite personalities on the Discovery Channel. I love his ‘can do’ attitude towards any situation he’s dropped into or that crosses his path. In one way, he is the ultimate boy scout; always prepared. On the other hand, he improvises when he does not have a particular tool to get him out of a pickle. When he can’t have elk steak in some tundra he’s stuck in, he opts for catching something or eating bugs. Ok, I would not go that far, but the underlying idea is flexibility and adaptation to your environment. It was also tweeted the same day by Anthony Robbins, the well-known self-improvement and inspirational speaker. The bottom line is, don’t give up too soon! If you truly believe in a project or concept, the business model and the strategy, then go do it! Nay-sayers be damned ;-)

Multi-Tone Metal Chain Necklace
SZFNL45

For me, I always wanted to get back into in the jewelry industry. Many years ago, when living overseas, for a while I worked with another jewelry company that used a proven, no-pressure networking sales method and I got a taste of it, and ever since then it was always in the back of my mind to return to that industry. 

If I had given up on this idea for a jewelry business concept over 15 years ago, Senzu would not exist today. Timing is everything, and the rest is enthusiasm and perseverance! 

So if you’ve ever had the idea to start your own business, work for yourself (no boss!) or work from home, then why not grab the bull by the horns and make 2011 your year? There are lots of options out there, a Senzu Stylist bring one of them. 

Next blog post I'll talk about the advantages and challenges of being your own boss as well as working from home. 

Until then, Style it Up and Happy Year of the Rabbit!

Cristel, your Senzu Style Insider.